{"id":743,"date":"2020-07-06T15:50:00","date_gmt":"2020-07-06T15:50:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/?p=743"},"modified":"2024-01-26T13:18:15","modified_gmt":"2024-01-26T13:18:15","slug":"fourteen-tips-for-getting-the-most-out-of-your-zoom-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/?p=743","title":{"rendered":"Fourteen tips for getting the most out of your ZOOM time"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"\" The weekly Verdigris blog by Laurel Brunner<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now that we are all getting comfortable with using online video software, there are certain do\u2019s and don\u2019t\u2019s that we really should all be following. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Online you can find dozens of Zoom etiquette guidelines. They\u2019re couched in earnest helpful tones; they tell you stuff that\u2019s basically obvious, common sense so they\u2019re sort of useful. But if the earnest common sense annoys you, here are some less obvious gender, race, age and ethnicity nonspecific tips for getting the most out of your time in Zoom meetings. Our fourteen pointers start with what not to do. Why fourteen and not five or ten? Well because fourteen is four more than ten and four more than five is nine and nine is my lucky number.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

During Zoom meetings don\u2019t \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. \u2026 pick your nose (You can do this if you do it behind your hand, but it\u2019s unlikely to go unnoticed so only do it if you\u2019re desperate.)
2. \u2026 wear see through clothes (They\u2019re distracting and while this can be a useful way to put off colleagues you want to get into trouble, it\u2019s unfair for everyone else. But if you want to send some people into a frenzy, choose the outfit wisely.)
3. \u2026 file your nails under the desk (This is especially to be avoided if you are prone to gazing rapturously off screen, however it could be diverting in very dreary meetings. Choose your moment wisely.)
4. \u2026 stroke your dog\u2019s head under the desk (Stroking even the shortest dog risks you coming across as elsewhere; coughing and moans as you struggle to reach make it worse.)
5. \u2026 take your computer to the loo (If you have to wee or more hold it for as long as you can, but keep a straight face and keep still. Jiggling is a no-no.)
6. \u2026 shout at the screen without first checking that you are muted (This is a really big no-no, unless you are angling to be furloughed or fired)
7. \u2026 make rude gestures at the screen without first checked that video is off (see 6.)
8. \u2026 hum (you might find it soothing and a tricky habit to break, but humming means you\u2019re not listening to whatever drivel is coming through. Remember that humming can happen subconsciously.)
9. \u2026 practise your impressions of colleagues during the meeting, especially not those in the meeting (take notes of particular traits and tics for future use)
10. \u2026if you\u2019ve mastered the art of sleeping with your eyes open, remember not to snore
11. \u2026 forget to pay attention (It\u2019s impossible to fake a look of thoughtful pondering on screen when it happens suddenly.)
12. \u2026 play video games in a secondary window (Although it might look like you are paying attention to the meeting, you might inadvertently go mental. This disconcerts colleagues and undermines your appearance of engaged attentiveness)
13. \u2026 try to answer emails if you are prone to talking to yourself
14. \u2026 get drunk unless you do it discretely and can be sure not to go red in the face as the booze kicks in<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course there are some useful things you should be doing during online meetings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026 do<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. \u2026 use the Chat function to warn that your Internet connection is playing up so that you can duck out when you\u2019re fed up with the ramblings
2. \u2026 wash your face and dress (if you only dress your top half, remember not to lean too far sideways if you have to reach for something. If you think there\u2019s a risk of your bottom half coming into view, wearing big, fancy underwear.)
3. \u2026 nod slowly and thoughtfully no matter what\u2019s being said, by whom (Make sure to practise your nodding beforehand, so that it isn\u2019t too mechanical.)
4. \u2026 mute yourself when talking lovingly to an unseen pet, as this could easily be misunderstood
5. \u2026 keep your wine\/beer\/cocktail glass discretely hidden, ideally on a tray the floor to avoid it slipping over and spillage (you can slurp whilst retrieving a dropped pen see 6.)
6. \u2026 appear to be taking copious notes (Asking people to repeat themselves can reinforce your apparent commitment, but don\u2019t overdo it see 5.)
7. \u2026 keep your expression engaged, with no eyerolling or heavy sighs (Remember to change your face from time to time.)
8. \u2026 clasp your hands under your chin if you need to stick out your tongue at half-wits
9. \u2026 hide the plate and napkin when you\u2019re eating (Avoid spicy or messy food that might lead to choking mishaps and eye watering as this can be misinterpreted as sincere emotion.)
10. \u2026 remember to ensure your chat messages only go to the intended person and that most of your colleagues are likely to have had a sense of humour bypass
11. \u2026 prepare for the meeting in advance, or at least appear to have done (Shuffling notes and looking over your glasses helps here, as does looking at your watch.)
12. \u2026 get there early to check everything works and to be first for maximum creepy creep points (See 11.)
13. \u2026 be well rested or use makeup to hide the bags under your eyes; sunglasses are a no-no.
14. \u2026 snap back promptly when you hear your name, and remember to blame the connection when you ask for the question to be repeated<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Laurel Brunner<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This article was produced by the Verdigris Project,<\/a> an industry initiative intended to raise awareness of print\u2019s positive environmental impact. This weekly commentary helps printing companies keep up to date with environmental standards, and how environmentally friendly business management can help improve their bottom lines. Verdigris is supported by the following companies: Agfa Graphics<\/a>, EFI<\/a>, Fespa<\/a>, Fujifilm<\/a>, HP<\/a>, Kodak<\/a>, Miraclon<\/a>, Ricoh<\/a>, Spindrift,<\/a> Splash PR<\/a>, Unity Publishing<\/a>and Xeikon<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The weekly Verdigris blog by Laurel Brunner Now that we are all getting comfortable with using online video software, there are certain do\u2019s and don\u2019t\u2019s that we really should all be following.  Online you can find dozens of Zoom etiquette guidelines. They\u2019re couched in earnest helpful tones; they tell you stuff that\u2019s basically obvious, common … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-743","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/743","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=743"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/743\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1802,"href":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/743\/revisions\/1802"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=743"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=743"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/digitaldots.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=743"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}